I've known for years that I wanted to share my life experiences and to give a voice to my personal struggle. After these last few months of traveling and continuing to work on myself, I've begun to realize more and more my need to communicate. I want to write my memoirs and share with others the power we have to choose and to change our lives. I want to share lessons on how to persevere, to overcome, to change, and to grow. I want to speak to individuals and groups about our divine potential to do and be everything we desire.
My yearning to write, to share my story, and to speak out is so strong that I'm tempted to leave my job completely in order to pursue it. In a way, my leave-of-absence for this school year is a trial run. But my biggest fear is that I am not good enough, smart enough, successful enough, or motivated enough to make my dream a reality. I'm terrified that people will make fun of me for choosing to bare my soul via writing rather than choosing to climb an acceptable professional or corporate ladder. I'm worried I will end up destitute living on credit cards and the kindness of others. I'm scared I will fail. But the call of the universe toward my passion is greater and so I continue to travel, to write, and to search for meaning in all things.
“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” ~VIncent van Gogh
I believe this is why I am drawn to writing and creating. This is why I have been drawn to artists such as Ms. Okabayashi and Patanjali. This is why I was compelled to live in an alternative community on the side of the railroad tracks in Germany. This is why I marvel at street art, music, and the sky while traveling. Looking at these things makes me feel powerful and inspired to continue forward with my self-discovery. There is a sense of mindfulness and acceptance about art and nature. These are two traits that I am trying to strengthen within myself. Seeing and experiencing art fuel me. Counseling and helping others fuel me. Talking about God and spirituality and the divine fuels me.
How can I be my truest and most honest self?
What if I don’t make money and I lose my house, my car, my job?
What if letting go is the only way to gain what my heart truly craves?
These are scary questions. Reading “I can see clearly now” by the late Dr. Wayne Dyer tells me to stop worrying about money and start worrying about God’s call to my soul. So this is what I am doing now. I am writing honestly and without fear. This is a diary, to be sure. But it is also an awakening. It is also my debut into fulfillment and abundance. My declaration of “I am.”
I am an artist and writing is my truth.
I am willing to create from my heart.
I am open to being seen, judged, hated, loved, and/or mocked.
I am being honest.
And that is enough.