After losing my beloved companion of 16.5 years in December, I found hope in moving to New York... until the White House scandal erupted. • I then found hope in establishing a new routine in the Spring... until I lost my housing. • So I found hope in starting over... until I unexpectedly lost my job in June. • Alone and lost, I found hope in a new relationship... until he confessed to being unwilling and unable to be my partner. • Instead, I found hope in settling somewhere longterm and creating a home this Fall... until the situation turned out to be less than ideal. • I was running out of things in which to find hope. I hear that’s what depression feels like.
But now, after drowning for more than eight months, I think I am finally at a turning point. Rather than waiting for the waters to settle so I can safely tread water, I am diving head first into the waves. Rather than searching for Zen at the top of the next mountain, I am actively making choices to further my healing and strengthen my soul where I stand. I have lived through hard things before and have always come out softer, more open, and full of love. This year will be no different. Because my peace for the moment has always resided within.
I forgive myself for temporarily losing sight of this truth. It’s been a hard year. But “the place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there.”